different thoughts...

my mum got sick a few days back... vomitting and giddy head... in the end she had to be brought to A & E to seek further medical help on new yr's night from 8+pm to almost 12midnight then reach home... all these made mi heartache... i know she has been working hard to support my SIM studies... working lots of overtime... but i dunno whether that sickness was due to that or wat... but i really dun wish to see her getting sick because of mi... end up the doctor suspect that there is a stone inside the ear that's causing the giddyness...

for mi... i will be at total lost if anything were to happen to my parents... i just wish i can repay them by doing well in my uni but i still can't push myself more for it... cause this is not the only issue i'm troubled with...

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in 2 weeks time i'll go under the knife again... this time for my left shoulder... guess after tat i'll be out of action for quite sometime... still feeling that my left arms are stiff after swimming last sat...

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(i dare to blog this coz not everyone has access to this blog yet... juz wanna refresh such beautiful memories)

seriously... i still think that day, the time spent with her is the best i ever had... well... who wouldn't be on cloud nine if you can spent a whole day with someone u liked? but maybe i wasn't all myself... nervous inevitable ba... coz its the 1st time i've been out with someone i like... sing k, watch movie, shopping, have dinner... then send her home... honestly... all these things are a first for mi...

singing k with her, alone(almost)... though she say her only experience comes from the bathroom... which happens to most ppl... but tat day after hearing her voice, its not as bad as she claims... in fact she sounds quite ok... juz need a little more confidence ba... but those few hours wasn't really enough as she quickly comes to like the feeling of singing k and wanted more... who doesn't? for mi its really all abt letting loose, getting relaxed and destress...

after tat we went to took neoprints, 3 of us... its quite a long time since i've taken neoprint ba... maybe 3 yrs or more? got a pic taken with her at my side but due to some panicking from the gals, tat pic wasn't choosen for print out... haha.. sad... we went to retake again and spent quite some time doing touch ups and editings...

soon we found that time was running out for our movie at vivocity... so had to rush over there as we still have yet to collect the tickets.. luckily online booking was allocated a queue for collection, which was almost empty... bought some throat sweets ease our throat from the singing and went in for the movie... well the movie was not as exciting as the previous 2 installments, but still quite nice ba...

after that we were literally walking aimlessly ard vivo as we doesn't have clear plans next... she was waiting for confirmation from her mum for dinner, while i dun have much things as the guys didn't tell mi their plans for dinner... so we found ourselves doing some window shopping... or should i say i was accompanying her... its was a rather good but weird feeling at her side while watching her browsing thru dresses... i'm quite shy abt it... coz its another 1st for mi too... especially when she ask mi to comment when she was trying it on... err... i was like dunno wat to say... tongue-tied... i dun really sweet talk like others... but i guess gals are quite sensitive if we recommend them to get a larger size? hehe... but i wasn't trying to mean anything else if it doesn't fit juz get another size lor... coz for mi, as long as u feel comfortable in the clothes u wear, u feel good, u will look gd...

we continue to walk ard and chatting alot.. maybe its the most i've talk in a day ba... waahaha... in the process learned alot of things abt her... but the more we walked, the more she became concern abt my flat feet problem... scare that i was in alot of pain, but when u are happy, pain is nothing of concern to mi ba... but i guess my indecisive mind may sometime irritate ppl ba.. coz we dunno wat to have for dinner as we both agree to 'sacrifice' and accompany each other for dinner... haha... but i guess some ppl like mi can't make up our mind for wat to eat ba... most of the time is on impulse and see wat's ard... but vivo and habour front offers so much food we dun even know wat to choose... i was asking her suggestion, while she was seeking mine... coz we both are ok with anything... but we end up enter sakae sushi as i was quite gian for sometime... hehe...

after dinner we continue somemore walking for digestion and bought some clothes from a store before heading home... well... i reached my stop but i took the initiative to accompany her and walk her home... its a feeling i've nvr had but long wish... however its far from completeness...

however... at this goodness are nvr lasting... things seem to changed as my actions becomes more visible and i think she can sense it... i'm not sure wat r her thoughts abt all these but for mi its nothing but wonderful... too bad its not lasting... or tat's wat i think...

i dunno whether she's still bothered by her last or she doesn't wanna start new yet...
or she's more keen on her current situation and doesn't want any changes anytime soon...
or she doesn't like mi to start with and think i can be nothing more than juz frens...
or she already have a target in mind...

i dun wish to think that much or tat far... it will only make mi more unhappy as time passes...but i've come to live with it... for all that i care... i only wish the best for the ones i love... if i can't be the one to give her happiness, i wish that someone who ended up with her can... i juz wished that i'm given a fair chance of being abt to love someone... am i not deserved to love someone?

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i hate comparing... abt wat?
comparing exam results... comparing ur child and my child... blah blah... comparing only angers each other as the chinese sayings goes... ren bi ren, qi si ren...
but most of the time i'm juz stating the truth and nt really want to compare my life with others... why does my frens lead such a fun life while i stay at home most of the time? how come i dun have frens to call mi out week in week out, while i'm always the one trying to organise something...? am i that busy body in trying to ask my frens out often and irritates them instead? is trying to make my life more filling that annoying to u? can't i feel down if i dun get any responses? hehe... juz saying my thoughts la...