天天都要好心情

这几个月也过得满起起落落的
开心，不开心的都有
但事情总会有个结局
现在只想快乐的迎接新年的到来

心情虽然想开心
但纳闷的是朋友却一直在搅局
竟把我想表达的事实
说成是感情怒语

如果真是朋友就应多体谅
式着了解情况在做定论
乱用字眼，只会显得关心朋友不够深

and they were saying they care as frens...

7 smses, 3 Msn msges...
wait a min, how many frens do i have?
thanks for all that remembered...

so let mi thank the following for remembering... in these order...
wanyu, hq, mw, leong, li ling, wm, qin min, ee teck, amirah, shimin...

i officially have only 10 frens... that's if u consider those who remembered my birthday, by hook by crook... at least they remember...

and how many of them know that i went for ops recently? i guess not many also...

and seriously... i hate the word emo now... ppl tend to use it as and when they like it... wat's the meaning of it if u can't differentiate it from things that are of the truth...? if everytime someone says a fact, the truth... u treat it as emo... doesn't that make the person feel sad... as u dun believe wat he's trying to say and u treat as if he's creating an issue? tat's so wrongful.. wat's the point... i can't stop ppl saying it... its their mouth...

well... i do know that some genuinely dun remember frens birthday... especially 'NOT CLOSE frens' as said by her... tat's true... but if i already mentioned and yet... then i really got nothing to say... seriously... nothing else i can say...

blah blah blah

i admit that i'm nt a tactful person in terms of love... nor am i handsome enough to have gals surrounding mi.. (haha)... nor tall... i'm juz average... perharps that's why those that i love chose to like others than accepting mi... maybe they set a higher target for themselves and they do get to fulfill their wishes most of the time...

frens will juz say that my time will come... hopefully.... coz i'm still waiting... but not keenly... as i'm hurted quite badly all these yrs... thanks for many whom show their concern... maybe few... or until i tell them... yeah... kind of sad when no one really knows my situation...

think i'm quite a bad fren... i treat my fren well... but i'm not getting the least of anything in return... for all u may explain for urself but u cannot deny that u still go out with ur frens much more times than i do...

guess all i can do is wait for some gal to fall for mi huh? lolz...

心又再次受伤

肩膀的伤还没痊愈，心又再次受伤。

为何我的心不断的再受伤?
爱一个人为何要受这么多的苦?
我以渐渐的失去爱的动力。

由始之中，大部份的女生还是会选择又高，又帅，又壮的男生吧!
像我这样的人只能配当朋友的角色。

guess its time to stop everything le... initially wanted to confess my love and even order roses for her on valentine's day... but all this will mean nothing after wat someone told mi today...
there's no point doing anything anymore... i just wish her the best then... for mi... i've got nothing else to say... maybe luck has nvr been on my side all these while... especially in love... no matter how much i pray, how much i craved... its still not within my control... i've already suspected all along... since she know that i like her... she's been quite cold towards mi... i was thinking that maybe she already got someone she like... and true enough... these things are either one way or another, so its quite common... common until i'm tired of it... i'm really tired... i can't believe it ended up this way again... why?

guess i'm nvr good for any gal ba...

u may say its a matter of time before i find my true love... who can assure that? this kind of thing where got 100% sure? it only give mi the impression that those gals that i like, i can't give them happiness, instead i'm like bringing them trouble, un-easyness...

just let mi nag a bit... cry a bit... and i'll be ok le... i'm fine... but i won't be like before... coz my heart is more than dead... i can't bring myself to liking anyone, anymore... not now... coz i promise myself that she's the last i'll ever like... but i haven even confess... it makes things more saddening for mi...

my thoughts..

our chats are always short... but it means a lot to mi...
my love for u will nvr fall short... and u mean a lot to mi...
chances are few and limited... but i hope to take every one of them seriously...
seeing you in person are limited... but the sight always lighten up my day...
i love to sing... as you are the song in my heart...
i thrived to be happy... as i hope it will spill over to u as well...

i was chatting with rui xin last night as i saw her msn nick say with 300 contacts but none to talk to... tat's true to mi as well... though my contacts are lesser... doesn't tat mean that the time and relationship between each is closer? apparently not...

but still... i do get well wishes from a couple of frens upon knowing i went for ops... one that i dun even talk to much... see... there's still hope in life... even when others fail u... u shld nvr give up...

a week more to my birthday... wat can i do? wanted to ask ppl out but so far... 2 out of 3 say they are busy... then she didn't answer mi directly... i hope to spend my birthday with her... but does she wants to in return? valentine's day is approaching.... i was thinking of getting her roses... but do i send to her home or ask her out in person... sending to her home may cause some issue as i think she doesn't wan her family to know anything.... but to give her in person will require a huge amt of courage... which may end in extremes... choices choices... as easy and hard as they can be...

i will always remember my frens birthday... most is close frens, thus i remember in my mind... some i check on my hp as i save them becoz they are good frens... while some others i juz check on frenster.... but to think than ppl seldom remember mine until it was put up on notice... its really saddening... it shows that u don't really have a place in that persons' heart.... as frens la... u can always do thousand and one things for ur frens... but for even one of them to return the kindness is touching enough... yet ppl do take things for granted... only time will tell whether a fren can becoz a close one, a great one, or a forgotten one...

what are, who are...?

once again the topic of friends comes to mind...

what does friends means? to you and to me... maybe everyone has a different interpretation in their mind or even in their heart...

i my heart... i've done much for my frens... maybe no one notice... but even if they notice... some may take for granted or nothing of a big deal... how many times have i rejected a request or refused to help? some details are hard to notice and i know that... some feelings are to weak to even detect... while some are just being deflected like an unpleasent stuffs...

those out there may have suffered the same... or even worse... but some living in their happy lives will nvr understand what its truely like... u may try ur hardest, or put urself in others' ppl shoe... but those shoe will nvr fit u as its been moulded to the shape of the user... so stop trying to act like u know wat it feels like... no one will ever understand what the sufferer is feeling... u may come a long way but still, the experience is nvr the same for everyone...

week in week out... i'm here staying at home... with nothing to do... nowhere to go... no frens to ask out or ask mi out... and on the other hand... i still see pics and blog abt ppl happily have a gd time outside... and some still say i also always stay at home de? are u trying to provoke mi or u think i'm easily bluff through?

so wat am i trying to say? nothing ba... where's my frens? or so called frens?

school's busy? busy with another opp. sex that u are hidding from ur fren? busy avoiding mi for wat ever reason? there's always thousand and one reasons thats true or can be used... i'm not angry or wat... its just that why i can't have a life like everyone else... go out with frens(but not the same few guys for mths) how come no one ever called mi out ever since i left JC? is this to suggest that i'm not good enough a fren to be called out?

i know myself... i'm shy, quiet and maybe insensitive at times... but other than that i juz the same like others... maybe i'm not talking enough... to make more frens other than my classmates or in my CCA... but doesn't less makes it easier to have more time for everyone? or maybe their social circle it too huge for them to handle and i'm just causally neglected....

and so wat if i grumble here... no one cares... as in those who dun bother to ask abt this blog add. ... so wat if i'm always so enthu abt gatherings... no one shares my passion abt meeting up with frens... or let's juz say in big grps... they always like to go out in small cliques instead... so am i wrong in any way? i just wanna be with my frens and let everyone see each other... wat's so hard, so difficult? why is there always some negative ppl trying to ruin the day without fail? why does it have to be a special occasion like birthday or new yr then we get to meet up?

i know everyone got their own frens and u got many more frens that's willing to go out with u more often... so its just mi and myself... trying hard in daily life to make myself laugh and stay happy of all the staleness in life...

this is seriously not a scolding post... and i mean no harm or trying to hurt anyone... its just tat a person with so many so called frens... out of how many its really true to you?

or is the term 'friend' just to broadly used... maybe it just means that you know them, and they know you... full-stop...

• normal frens just appear every time and then... they left marks but time slowly washes them away... they will find u only when they need help... other than that, they nvr bothers you...
• good frens helps u when u are in trouble... listen to u when u are in sorrow.. but still they only find u every now and then...
• great frens will notice ur problem and help you out... they talk to u much more than others... hang out with u often... sometimes out of sudden surprises u with things...

maybe not all is true ba... but tat's how i feel wat frens should be...

真无聊。。。

开了这blog也有两个月了，不知多少人游览过? 目前只有一个人问过这里的网址。或许这就是少人来这的原因吧。

‘再着么坚持，抵挡不了心碎’
‘失去了你，还要梦想做什么?'

‘希望’生‘渴望’，渴望无奈的变‘失望’

难到我这个人，一生只能有无数的朋友，一堆的好友，但没半个知己，而没情人的权力?

爱与不爱的的机会全在你手中，要看你着么掌握了。

心里有好多感触，但很难用一笔一字写出。每当看到天上的星星都不经意想到你。

多希望是你的守护星，再遥远都要看着你，在晴朗的夜空闪耀着你。

也不知到要如何的去爱你，如何去开口才正确，而又不会让彼此尴尬困扰。

顾忌?

人们总是因为某些‘顾忌’，
而因此错失了一些‘机会’。

真的是要在失去以后，
才感到遗憾，未免太迟了吧！

一生只能有短暂的生命，
所以跟应该活的没遗憾。

想做的，说的，玩的，
在有生之年完成吧！

最后，我想说的是。。。我爱你

曾经爱过，
现在爱着，
未来快乐。
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难到我真是一个被需要的时，才被记得的人吗?

different thoughts...

my mum got sick a few days back... vomitting and giddy head... in the end she had to be brought to A & E to seek further medical help on new yr's night from 8+pm to almost 12midnight then reach home... all these made mi heartache... i know she has been working hard to support my SIM studies... working lots of overtime... but i dunno whether that sickness was due to that or wat... but i really dun wish to see her getting sick because of mi... end up the doctor suspect that there is a stone inside the ear that's causing the giddyness...

for mi... i will be at total lost if anything were to happen to my parents... i just wish i can repay them by doing well in my uni but i still can't push myself more for it... cause this is not the only issue i'm troubled with...

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in 2 weeks time i'll go under the knife again... this time for my left shoulder... guess after tat i'll be out of action for quite sometime... still feeling that my left arms are stiff after swimming last sat...

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(i dare to blog this coz not everyone has access to this blog yet... juz wanna refresh such beautiful memories)

seriously... i still think that day, the time spent with her is the best i ever had... well... who wouldn't be on cloud nine if you can spent a whole day with someone u liked? but maybe i wasn't all myself... nervous inevitable ba... coz its the 1st time i've been out with someone i like... sing k, watch movie, shopping, have dinner... then send her home... honestly... all these things are a first for mi...

singing k with her, alone(almost)... though she say her only experience comes from the bathroom... which happens to most ppl... but tat day after hearing her voice, its not as bad as she claims... in fact she sounds quite ok... juz need a little more confidence ba... but those few hours wasn't really enough as she quickly comes to like the feeling of singing k and wanted more... who doesn't? for mi its really all abt letting loose, getting relaxed and destress...

after tat we went to took neoprints, 3 of us... its quite a long time since i've taken neoprint ba... maybe 3 yrs or more? got a pic taken with her at my side but due to some panicking from the gals, tat pic wasn't choosen for print out... haha.. sad... we went to retake again and spent quite some time doing touch ups and editings...

soon we found that time was running out for our movie at vivocity... so had to rush over there as we still have yet to collect the tickets.. luckily online booking was allocated a queue for collection, which was almost empty... bought some throat sweets ease our throat from the singing and went in for the movie... well the movie was not as exciting as the previous 2 installments, but still quite nice ba...

after that we were literally walking aimlessly ard vivo as we doesn't have clear plans next... she was waiting for confirmation from her mum for dinner, while i dun have much things as the guys didn't tell mi their plans for dinner... so we found ourselves doing some window shopping... or should i say i was accompanying her... its was a rather good but weird feeling at her side while watching her browsing thru dresses... i'm quite shy abt it... coz its another 1st for mi too... especially when she ask mi to comment when she was trying it on... err... i was like dunno wat to say... tongue-tied... i dun really sweet talk like others... but i guess gals are quite sensitive if we recommend them to get a larger size? hehe... but i wasn't trying to mean anything else if it doesn't fit juz get another size lor... coz for mi, as long as u feel comfortable in the clothes u wear, u feel good, u will look gd...

we continue to walk ard and chatting alot.. maybe its the most i've talk in a day ba... waahaha... in the process learned alot of things abt her... but the more we walked, the more she became concern abt my flat feet problem... scare that i was in alot of pain, but when u are happy, pain is nothing of concern to mi ba... but i guess my indecisive mind may sometime irritate ppl ba.. coz we dunno wat to have for dinner as we both agree to 'sacrifice' and accompany each other for dinner... haha... but i guess some ppl like mi can't make up our mind for wat to eat ba... most of the time is on impulse and see wat's ard... but vivo and habour front offers so much food we dun even know wat to choose... i was asking her suggestion, while she was seeking mine... coz we both are ok with anything... but we end up enter sakae sushi as i was quite gian for sometime... hehe...

after dinner we continue somemore walking for digestion and bought some clothes from a store before heading home... well... i reached my stop but i took the initiative to accompany her and walk her home... its a feeling i've nvr had but long wish... however its far from completeness...

however... at this goodness are nvr lasting... things seem to changed as my actions becomes more visible and i think she can sense it... i'm not sure wat r her thoughts abt all these but for mi its nothing but wonderful... too bad its not lasting... or tat's wat i think...

i dunno whether she's still bothered by her last or she doesn't wanna start new yet...
or she's more keen on her current situation and doesn't want any changes anytime soon...
or she doesn't like mi to start with and think i can be nothing more than juz frens...
or she already have a target in mind...

i dun wish to think that much or tat far... it will only make mi more unhappy as time passes...but i've come to live with it... for all that i care... i only wish the best for the ones i love... if i can't be the one to give her happiness, i wish that someone who ended up with her can... i juz wished that i'm given a fair chance of being abt to love someone... am i not deserved to love someone?

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i hate comparing... abt wat?
comparing exam results... comparing ur child and my child... blah blah... comparing only angers each other as the chinese sayings goes... ren bi ren, qi si ren...
but most of the time i'm juz stating the truth and nt really want to compare my life with others... why does my frens lead such a fun life while i stay at home most of the time? how come i dun have frens to call mi out week in week out, while i'm always the one trying to organise something...? am i that busy body in trying to ask my frens out often and irritates them instead? is trying to make my life more filling that annoying to u? can't i feel down if i dun get any responses? hehe... juz saying my thoughts la...