Used

Seriously... i feel like i'm some kind of item... being used and then left to rot... only when there's a need will i be making 'an appearance'... at other times... i'm just the forgotten one... being left in my own world... with no one i can cling onto... i dun mind helping... well, i love to help ppl... but please dun treat me like what i said above... need me and look upon me only when you are having trouble... on the other hand, cut me out of your life when you live happily through it...

well... a perfect example would be birthdays... its an annually affair... some remember it, some dun... some gave blessings, some forget to or remember only upon mentioning... some remember others' and called u along, but have they ever thought of your birthday and call others out to celebrate together? hmmm... i dun mind ppl forgetting mine, and i also dun mind going out to celebrate others together, but the feeling of used and neglection sort of lingers around and slowly magnified... so i can't be overlooked... there's always a thousand and one reasons for explanation so i shall not argue abt it... i'll not put it to heart as i wanna stay happy... but to stay happy i dun have sole and full control over myself...

i know myself well of what i need, but my friends may think otherwise and their thoughts are surely different from mine... so i can understand... 越长大越孤单, i think these words rightly portray my feeling now... i seriously need someone who understand, cares and feel for me... i'm not who i'm now, nor am i who i wanna be now... but i can definitely go better than where i'm now... i can and i will... just give me the support i need and deserved...

Tired...

If i continue singing, will i be happier?

have been recuperating at home these past week... monday was my last mock paper... so i literatelly had the whole week doing nothing... indeed... doing nothing is really boring... hopefully tomorrow i can start my engine on doing revision... well... maybe start warming it before it can run fully ba...

its been almost 2 mths since i last sang... so feeling a bit gian now...

I have friends that i have with love,
but my friends have loves they dear.
I am not the dear they loves,
so who am i to love and dear?

well... i have endure much of ppl not replying to my sms... and i shall not take it anymore... i dun care how important i am as a friend to you, i dun care if u call me brother or not... this kind of thing should not happen at all... and i treat it as serious as it should be... so... from now on... if i ever had a sms not responded to, dun blame me for doing the same back... if i dun state my case how am i to survive in this world?

i treat my friendship dearly, but i doubt the case for my so-claimed friends to be... well... maybe i'm the only one that being treated this way...

i shall rest my case here...

I dun fit

well... sometimes reading other ppl's blog make u feel minor... insignificant... it makes me feel... how am i supposed to fit into their lives..? as a friend that is... they circle of frens seems to fill with so much fun and happiness... but i'm all alone by myself... so wat if i state out my situation? no one really bothers... even if they care... it always seem to end at the point of saying out... it seldom lead to any action taken... for always, there's thousand and one reasons why this, why that... how do u suppose i feel? maybe i'm not enough a fren for u... maybe what i thought of u doesn't have an equal meaning on u to mi... maybe i nvr tried enough... maybe i'll nvr be there... maybe, juz maybe, the slightest thought in that little corner of ur mind resisted the temptation to call mi for whatever reasons that u thought i have... i seldom reject... but always get rejected... that's my life... and i dun see any much changes in it... maybe its getting worse... now i'm seriously thinking... thinking that one day... i would just throw away everything, but refuse to even start anew... maybe doing this i'll feel better...

sometimes i dun even know why i get angry that such stuffs... for what reasons? who am i to be angry? why should i do so much but end up with nothing? maybe that's where all my motivations are lost to... hehe... smile :)

have been restraining my self ever since to blog such stuffs... but sometimes when u see too much.. held too much... you need to release it all out just to have an empty mind to start with... well... its empty now... sometimes when i starts to think too negative or something i keep grubbling... well... i'll just close and mind, stop my thoughts and tat's it... its over...

HAPPY ORD WEEK to ME!!! half more day of 'work' and i'm free to collect my IC on friday...! yeaH!